what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
