We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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