So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
