guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FUCK WHALES
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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