You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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