Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
