I look better un-naked...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
