She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
