I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
