so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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