There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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