she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He passed out mid-signature
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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