dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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