why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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