I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
