i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
