If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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