If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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