I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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