we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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