He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
