Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
