What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
