i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
whose ass print is on the piano?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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