i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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