I never want to see another naked old woman again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
