two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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