No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
