All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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