Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
