Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
