I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
