I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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