I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize