one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
