dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
worst night to have a conscience
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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