just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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