How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
40s are totally the cure
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
