i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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