i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
