My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
