You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
