my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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