sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
