I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
