Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
