I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
