i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
