When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
