Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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