you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize