It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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