Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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