the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
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