You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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