WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
