Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
