Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
