Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
