My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
