I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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