There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
