I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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