he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize