Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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