yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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