I cockslap morals
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
