I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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