Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
