She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
