I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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