it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
