If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
