Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
