Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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