I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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