He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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