I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
