the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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