mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
