Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You can't special order awesome
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
