You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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