Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
