All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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