She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
