i permit you to call me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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