i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
