ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
