I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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