In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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