All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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