My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
