Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
3pm strippers are depressing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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