these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
