She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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