Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
