when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
