Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
