I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
