Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
