i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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