yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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