with your own penis?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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