She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
