I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize