You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
