I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
