How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
