You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
