Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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