you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
