Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
